that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
