So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
