she looked like the bat from fern gully.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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