They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
