No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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