I can tuck mytits in my pants
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
