Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
