How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Sorry my hands just texted you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
