Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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