Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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