she looked like the bat from fern gully.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
