If that was your dad, he is hot
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
