Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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