another moral hangover. fuck.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
