god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just found a bag of teeth...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
