his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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