Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
