wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my being single is dangerous.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
