Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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