New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
