return my video game
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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