Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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