He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
