FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
