drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
