Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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