Im at strip club and am horny
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
