its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
