You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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