You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Never underestimate the power of titties
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