I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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