you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
