So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
