Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
