Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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