dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
