you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
