But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
