The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize