nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
