I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you had me at cake vodka
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
