obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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