All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
