Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
