just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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