I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
