I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
