You're earring is so big in my mouth
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
