some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
