Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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