i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
did i just pee glitter
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
