I wanna bring you to show and tell
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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